21 Signs Your Kitty Owns You

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Owning a cat is beautiful; it is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself. They are these quiet companions that are not mere puppets like some other pets. They are their own personalities who know what they want and who show certain independence that is just endearing.

Of course, these positive characteristics have another side to them and that is the stubbornness and the whole “couldn’t care less” attitude that can often be infuriating. Temporarily, though. Later, you just laugh when you remember those times when your cat let you know that it owns you and not the other way around.

1. Oh, You Want To Type Something? Nah.

There is something about cats and computers, especially laptops. You will often find your cat curled up next to it or on top of it, and during winter months, this is perfectly understandable. It is cold and the computer generates that pleasant warmth that cats find so cozy.

But, what’s the explanation for summer months when you would expect your cat to go looking for cooler spots? Nope, it’s still there, walking all over the keyboard, especially if you are planning on doing some typing.

It is as if cats are genetically conditioned to detest the sound and the look of their owner typing at the keyboard. Perhaps they have something to tell us? Perhaps they are letting us know that the world does not care about every single opinion that we have? Or maybe that’s just a way to show us who’s the boss? We wouldn’t put it past them.

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2. You Want Me To Eat Here? Nope.

One of the quirks that cats are famous for is their absolute refusal to eat where you think they should eat. It starts from the moment you bring a cat into your home. You set aside an area that you think is perfect, having the perfect combination of seclusion and space, quiet and cozy.

Then, your cat takes a single look at the setup and it is like, “Dude, seriously? Here? I don’t think so.” What is worse, if you let them “show” you where they would prefer to eat, it will always be the most uncomfortable and unimaginable place in the entire house or apartment.

For instance, if you have a pile of books by a wall somewhere in the depths of your home, your cat will find the top of that pile to be the perfect feeding grounds. And there is no convincing them otherwise.

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3. You Say Thievery Is Bad? Well…

Cats used to be hunters and we are talking for thousands of years. The fact that they have become domestic animals in the meantime could never totally dampen this urge of theirs to hunt. Or to do something resembling hunting. Yes, cats have gone soft, so what?

Anyhow, a number of cats will find the perfect release for their hunting instincts in petty thievery. And when we say petty, we really mean petty. They will go for the most random and useless of objects. It is as if they are saying, “Yeah, I don’t care. I do what I want. Yeah, I know I’m stealing stupid stuff. So what?”

The weirdest stuff is exactly how much they don’t care if you catch them or not. They know who the real master of the domain is and that their thieving is just a formality. When you think of it, it’s not stealing at all.

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4. Oh, You Don’t Want Me To Sit There? Well…

Sometimes your cat is going to find a spot in the most unfortunate of places and you will have a really hard time ignoring it. Perhaps it is a spot from where it can wreak havoc on your furniture or belongings or perhaps it is a spot where it is clearly a nuisance. You probably want it to relocate and sit somewhere else.

Well, get ready for some bad news. It will be easier to come up with the elixir of life than to move a cat from a spot it decided on for the time being. Sure, you may “persuade” it to move temporarily, but as soon as you turn your back, guess where it will be?

Cats are very territorial animals and it will consider its new spot its territory. And you should know what that means, for you as a cat owner? It means you’re screwed.

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5. You Want Me To Love You Now? Weakling.

One of the best things about owning a pet is that they are there when you need them. On those days when you are feeling particularly down, it is nice to have someone warm who will curl next to you and let you know that you are still very much loved.

Unless your cat doesn’t feel like it. It may not really care that much that you are feeling down. It has better things to do and you will need to wait for your portion of love.

Some people will say that this is callous and it is the perfect example why a cat is less than a perfect pet. However, you could look at it as the cat’s way of telling you that you should snap out of it. It thinks you are better than pity.

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6. Why Are You Letting This Bird Annoy Me?!?! Argh!

It is just incredible what a cat can blame you for. Those are the moments when cats most resemble little children who believe that you control the universe and that everything that is wrong with it (no matter how miniscule it may be) is your fault.

Imagine a lazy afternoon with your cat being lazy by the window. A bird flies over and gets on the window sill. The window is closed and the cat cannot really exercise force. The bird flies away for a few moments when your cat threatens it by scratching at the window, but it comes back soon after.

It is that moment where you will see the look in your cat’s eyes as if it was trying to tell you it is your job to make the bird go away. “Come on human, make the nuisance go away, I command you.”

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7. So, This Is Your Hair? Looks Like A Toy.

Every cat owner who does not happen to sport a crew cut will tell you that cats find hair irresistible for some reason. It is like catnip to them. And somehow they will remember their love for your hair at the worst possible moment. Every. Single. Time.

Their exuberance over your hair will vary and it will be displayed in varying ways. For instance, some cats will be content just to stroke it, pull on it a few times, perhaps run their claws through it. Others will be more comprehensive in their enjoyment, chewing on it, nesting in it and doing all kinds of crazy stuff with it.

Some cats prefer freshly washed hair while others go for the more musky and greasy unwashed hair. As long as they can do some damage, they will love it. And there is no refusing them.

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8. Your Games Bore Me, Human.

A lot of people get a pet because they think they will spend some fun times with them, playing with toys or engaging in different games. And while there is always a possibility that you will end up with that one cat in a billion which will actually enjoy the games you have planned, it is far more likely that you will meet total and utter disinterest in everything you suggest.

Most cat owners have found themselves in that silly situation where they are acting like idiots, trying to get their cat interested in a particular toy or an activity. That expression on the cat’s face when it sees you doing it is just priceless.

It is an expression that lets you know your cat, at that moment, has absolutely no respect for you. You have become a jester and it is not amused.

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9. So, This Is Your Food? About that…

When you are a cat owner, you have to be extremely, almost ridiculously careful about your own meals and snacks. You never know where your household hunter is perched, waiting for that perfect moment to snatch that slice of pizza from your plate and claim it as its own.

The weirdest thing is that if you offered them a slice yourself (we’re sticking with the pizza slice to paint a picture), they would refuse it with their usual contempt. The fact that it is yours and that you are about to enjoy it is what makes it irresistible.

You soon start getting a feeling that it is all about authority with them. Or about simply being jerks. In any case, it is really quite endearing and after a while you won’t mind it at all. And that is how they win.

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10. You Want Me To Eat Now? Nah.

If you thought that cats were fussy about where they are going to eat, wait until you start “negotiating” about meal times. It makes as much sense as explaining to a Tarantino fan that Kill Bill is at best a mediocre movie. You will be wasting both of your times.

The cat will eat when it wants to eat and trying to convince it otherwise is a true exercise in futility, if there ever was one. You want to sleep in longer on a Sunday morning? Get ready to wake up to your lower lip being pulled by claws and the hungry look in your cat’s eyes staring straight into your sleepy soul.

Also, your cat does not care if it is 4 a.m. It is hungry and you better be ready to get up, walk on the cold floor and give it a bowl of its favorite treat. And it is not like you can establish a routine. Cats are funny that way.

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11. Laundry Is Done? Needs More Hair.

If we are being perfectly honest, is there anyone among us who hasn’t dreamt of a hamper big enough to allow us to lie on top of freshly washed clothes, curl up and sleep the sleep of a baby? Well, for cats, the hamper is big enough and most cats will often take advantage of the fact.

It is perfectly safe to say that at least 95% of cat owners have stumbled across a hamper with the freshly washed clothes, topped with their cat lying in it, without a care in the world, slowly but steadily drifting into that sweet hamper sleep.

Of course, this all results in all the freshly washed clothes being absolutely ruined with cat hair, which means another round of doing the laundry. And all the while, the cat is nearby, waiting for the fresh batch.

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12. You Want Me To Eat That? Ridiculous.

We’re going back to the subject of food. Let’s put it this way. If the person you are romantically involved with was as picky when it came to food as cats are, you would broke up with them before you can say ‘demanding’.

Cats are extremely particular about what they eat and once they find their favorite brand of cat food, you will have a LOT of trouble if your pet store runs out of it and you come home with something you believed was a suitable substitute.

You will experience a situation which resembles Victorian novels in which daddy’s spoiled little brat of a girl daintily pushes the plate away with a disgusted look. Disgusted and bored at the same time. Your cat. The food critic.

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13. So, You’re Walking There. Let Me Test The Laws Of Physics…

One of the weirdest things about cats is their absolute disregard of the most basic laws of physics, more precisely the law that says that two solid objects cannot fill the same space at the same time.

In case we are being a bit too vague, let us paint a more familiar picture. You have your hands full, preferably with very fragile objects that will break at the mere thought of you faltering in your stride. You have a certain distance to cross while carrying these objects, often filled with some kind of liquid.

At that exact moment, your cat decides to see if the laws of physics are really that immutable and it starts weaving its body in between your steps, also putting your acrobatic skills to a test. “Come on Human, try not to trip over me”.

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14. That’s Not Meant For Scratching? I Disagree.

Cats have claws. Well, unless you decided to mutilate your kitty by chopping its claws off. And they will want to scratch things from time to time. If you thought that buying a scratching post will ensure your cat doesn’t scratch anything else, you were very much mistaken.

Sure, the scratching post will come in handy and it might even take the largest part of the scratching action, but it is also safe to say that this will not be 100 percent of the scratching game. Your cat will find other parts of your household that deserve some of that action and there is nothing you can do about it.

You can try to teach it that scratching is frowned upon, but is more likely that you will get a frown in return. A frown that tells you, “Human, I’m gonna scratch whatever I feel like. Sooner or later.”

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15. Your Closet Could Also Do With Some Hair, Human.

You can try as hard as you want to make your closet off-limits for your cat, but sooner or later, it will find its way inside and you know what that means? That means snowing hair and having to spend an entire evening trying to get hair out of all your clothes. Mostly unsuccessfully.

Perhaps the worst version of this almost invariably takes place when you have a formal event of some kind planned, with your fancy new outfit all laid out in the closet, waiting for you to sizzle and wow in it as you walk in the room.

You open the closet, a bit suspicious that the door is ajar and you find your dress or your suit completely covered in your cat’s hair. “So, you thought you might enjoy going out without me? Yeah, right.”

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16. That’s Your Favorite Blanket? Give it.

Many of us have favorite blankets or covers that perhaps hold some sentimental value or that might simply be very, very comfortable and cozy. One thing you can count on is that your cat will soon discover the same love for the blanket in question.

And really, it makes sense from its point of view. “Hmm, the Human, who can buy all kinds of blankets and covers loves this particular blanket? Must be something to it. I must have it.”

At least we think that is what goes on in the cat’s mind. In any case, you should better be prepared to give it up and end up watching wistfully as your cat curls up on and in it, enjoying the best nap ever had.  This will put you in your place.

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17. More Humans Will Live Here? Hmm…

Another very clear sign that your cat is running your life is that you are factoring in its opinion when deciding on people you see and choose to love. If that cute guy from work or that cute girl from down the road is not really getting on with your feline boss; well maybe he or she is not worth it?

When you are considering inviting that same (or another) guy or girl to move in with you, you immediately start worrying about how your cat will get used to this new living situation.

Also, most cat owners learn very soon that the cat keeps running the game even when this new Human moves in. It will take your cat about four days to reinforce its primacy in the household. And there is nothing you or your new living buddy can do about it.

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18. I Need New Toys. That I Won’t Play With.

If you are a real cat owner, you will probably have already bought it about a hundred different toys  – from good old-fashioned classics to the most modern and cat-safe free-range toys made by some elves in the forests of Sweden or something like that.

By now, your cat has also probably got bored with about 99 percent of those toys and you are browsing for new toys online as you are reading this. Come on, be honest, are you looking for cat toys in another tab?

This is something you would not tolerate in your children. They need to know that there are limits to their wishes and desires. They cannot tell you what to do. They cannot demand and demand and demand. Your cat can.

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19. That’s Enough Petting, Human.

Many a cat owner will believe that there are moments in their relationship when they are in charge and when they are calling the shots. They think that when they are petting their cat, it is so grateful and so completely ecstatic that the power balance has shifted.

Hah, what nonsense; as any cat will tell you if you ask it. The fact is that your cat knows you believe you are getting on its good side. It knows that you honestly believe you are in charge and that you can withhold petting or shower it with even more affection if you choose to.

Soon enough, these delusions are dispelled as your cat gets bored of petting and pushes your hand away. And you were just about to stop. You almost had it. But it beat you to it.

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20. So, You’re A Dog? Let Me Explain Something To You.

One very interesting thing about domestic cats is that they will be the rulers of the mansion no matter who else lives there. Unless there is another cat there when things can go one of two ways – either resulting in division of power or a power struggle with a single ultimate winner.

Other animals, including dogs that can be five times the size of the cat will also become its subjects sooner or later. It does not matter that they are supposed to be stronger and more dominant animals, their will is weak and the cat will always prevail.

The saddest sight is when a dog from a non-cat household comes over and sees its canine buddy all submissive and weak, careful not to piss off its feline overlord. But there is simply no way around it. It’s the way things are.

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21. You Are Working, Human? Nah.

In case you are one of those people who work from home, you probably know by now that your work hours will depend on what your cat has got planned for that same period of time. You may be the busiest you have ever been in your life, there is nothing that can stop your cat from sneaking up on you, pulling down on your hair and letting you know that it demands attention.

It is not as if you can explain to your cat that you are trying to make money that pays for its food, its vet visits, its toys, blankets, litter and everything else. Also, we have a strong suspicion that even if you could explain this to your cat, it wouldn’t really care. It has better things to do and some of them include you.

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